Bernanke's "Cash In A Flash"
(Conspiracy Nation, 03/08/08) - You've seen them on your rambles about
the town: "payday loan" stores and "cash in a flash" outlets. Now Ben
Bernanke has opened his own "cash in a flash"-type enterprise.
You say you are short on cash? You say your profits are down? NO
PROBLEM! Come on down to Ben Bernanke's Cash Bonanza! Our facilities
have machines in the basement, ready to print you up a Wad Of Cash!
How can the "Crazy Professor" do it? Volume, volume, volume! Here at
the Ben Bernanke Cash O' Plenty Superstores no down-and-out banker
ever gets turned down! Poor credit? Fitch has lowered your ratings?
Just bring in your worthless property titles and trade them in for
Buckets O' Cash!
This week only: Special Crazee Daze at the Bernanke Quickie-Loans
Mart. The professor must have gone crazy! He is offering to lend bona
fide bankers money at NEGATIVE interest rates! That's right! The
"Crazy Professor" will pay you to borrow his money! How does he do it?
Volume, volume, volume!
Come on down to the Ben Bernanke Quickie-Loans Mart. Let's talk! Sit
back and enjoy the "Crazy Professor" doing mad calculations on the
chalkboard. His assistant, "Uncle Al" Greenspan, will be handing out
free balloons, displaying our Question Mark Logo. The "Crazy
Professor" must have gone mad! Some of those balloons will be stuffed
with Wads Of Cash!
Here at the Bernanke drive-through loan centers, you can even stay in
your limousine! No need to reveal your identity to curious onlookers.
Stay hidden behind the tinted glass of your limo and the "Crazy
Professor" will deliver Wheelbarrows of Cash right to you! Just pop
the trunk, and the professor will shovel in the money. Then drive
away, no questions asked!
So take advantage of this One-Time Offer. The "Crazy Professor" is
giving away the store! Come on down, Mr. Insolvent Banker, and drive
away with a big smile on your face!
(Void where prohibited by law. Since 1913, Section 8 of the U.S. Constitution does not apply. THIS IS A SATIRE. Legal bully-boys, seek honest employment. Risk of hyper-inflation and other side-effects is likely. Consult your doctor about prescription medicines, unless you are not a banker and cannot afford same. Terrorists, use back door at Bernanke Quickie-Loans Mart. Licensed in all 50 states and enforced worldwide by U.S. military. Not subject to taxation except through Stealth Tax of inflation. Bernanke Quickie-Loans Mart is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the "Federal" Reserve, a privately-owned
enterprise.)
Conspiracy Nation
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