In Close Protection work men like to use Mongs as Organic Sandbags or Bullet Catchers. Perhaps this makes them Perverts. Don't say so in case they have Short Fuzes. You can look up other terms at ARRSE.
http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/MDN
http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Organic_Sandbag
http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Bullet_Catcher
http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Close_Protection
This is not to forget our:
Post-Imperial Guilt So, if your great, great uncle Rastus got his ass bitch-whipped on to
the plantations of the West Indies back in 1800, chances are that a
cheque is winging its way to your letterbox right now - accompanied by a
letter of profound apology from the
Celestial Navigator himself. And quite right too. Next week: The
Pope
apologises for
The Crusades... but
Mohammed apologies for Feck All!
Pope He's also (allegedly) not keen on
Islam [Who
is?] having quoted a
Byzantine
Emperor who was on the pointy end of gentle Islam: Show me just what
Mohammed
brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman,
such as his command to spread by the
sword the
faith he preached. The Islamic retaliation to 'that' sentence proved that times have not
changed and "Cut the heads off the Infidels" and "Lets go to the UK and tell
their kids to kill each other in an explosive suicidal manner" T-shirts and
banners were displayed with gusto. Usual drill really. He might as well have
said that
Muslims weren't fit to lick dogshit of the soles of his jackboots for
the furore that ensued. A right ol' tetchy bunch they are. Any excuse for a
bit of effigy immolation and flag ignition. In july 2007 a new declaration approved by Pope Benedict XVI insisted
Protestant churches were mere 'ecclesial communities' and their
ministers effectively phonies with no right to give communion. There is only
one
Christian church and it's Catholic. As Herr Pope said... “Ein Volk,
ein Reich, ein Papa!” December 2008 and Pope Benny decided that
taking it up the hoop was bad and should be viewed as important as
saving the rain forests. Naughty anti gay comments
here. Islamaphobe, protestant-hater and homophobe, you've got to admit this
Pope has opinions unlike the last one who just covered up
paedophilia in mother church. Famous for such quotations Does the Pope shit in the woods? and
Is the Pope a
Virgin. Also famous for Papal bath time products - the
Pope-on-a-Rope (which sells very well in
Northern Ireland) being the most successful. The Vatican gift shop does
quite a line in themed gift ware: Turin Shroud duvet covers, Mary Magdalene
tea towels and super absorbent stigmata pads to name but a few. But I
digress. Mohammed Criticism of Mohammed is often equated with blasphemy. Which is
punishable by death in
Pakistan
as well as having your national flag burned and 'spontaneous' demonstrations
against your country. Muslims will be furious ... a more or less permanent
state for them especially if you allow 7 year old pupils in your class to
call a teddy bear Mohammed! Mohammed of course loved children ... literally. He married the 6 year
old daughter of one of his friends ... jeez, you can see where they get some
of their dodgy ideas from can't you. Seems you can have pictures of Mohammed under some sects. Muslims of
course argue bitterly (often with guns) as to whether or not images of
Muhammad are permissible. Sunni say it leads to idolatry and is forbidden,
Shia say its ok. Just another reason for them to kill each other I guess.
A Muslim was killed in a car accident and he arrives at the gates of
heaven. St. Peter says: "I'm St. Peter. Welcome to Heaven." The Muslim says: "Nice to meet you Peter but I'm a Muslim and I want to
meet Mohammed. St. Peter says: "Sure no problem. Climb up that ladder behind you and you
will meet Mohammed" The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top and there is Moses.
Moses says: "Hi I'm Moses. Welcome to Heaven". The Muslim is very excited. "Moses, it's such an honor to meet you. But
like I told St. Peter, I'm a Muslim and I really want to meet Mohammed". Moses says: "No problem. Climb up the ladder behind you and you will meet
Mohammed." The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top, he can't see
anything but bright light. He sees this figure before him and asks: "Who are
you?" The figure responds - "I am God. Nice to meet you. Welcome to Heaven".
God walks over and shakes his hand. The Muslim is stunned - he can hardly
speak. He says to God: "Sir, it is such an honor to meet you - I can't
believe it - this place is great. But I'm a Muslim and, no disrespect
intended, but I really want to meet Mohammed." God says: "Ohh... You're here to see Mohammed. I see. No problem. Have a
seat. Get comfortable. Can I get you some coffee or something to eat?" The
Muslim says: "I would love a cup of coffee." God yells into the kitchen: "Yo
Mohammed. 2 coffees!!!" 3 Para
Mortar Platoon Rumours of strange goings on in 3
Para
Mortars date back to the
1980s when a
member was found to be supplementing his meagre military
salary by working
as a 'rent
boy'. Oh how the rest of the
army laughed! Oh how
The Parachute Regiment clapped their hands to their heads and wished the
ground would swallow them up! Since those halcyon days, the boys from mortars have become synonymous
with all things gay.
It's all good fun-poking of course, but it is the perfect example of one
singular event having extremely long mileage. However it may not all be in the past. With the
Parachute Regiment deployment to
Afghanistan it was only a matter of time till their deviancy made the
papers. After a heated
firefight,
a member of the mortars' platoon said: "The
Taliban
took us from the rear and we gave them a good spanking." Nice to see the
unit motto quoted in the press. Article
here. Please take note of the repeated references to the 'enemy's
backyard' ... not that we're inferring anything you understand!
QUOTE
A national state of mind that places us firmly in the dock for being
directly responsible for all the World's ills. Whatever it is,
guaranteed it's our fault... and sorry isn't enough. What is enough,
however, is billions of Pound's worth of
Overseas Aid and compensation for everything ranging from slavery
right down to the great
Nigerian
banana crop failure of 1976. 'It was us guv, and you got us bang to
rights!'
UNQUOTE
There are Useful Idiots who swallow the
stories about White Guilt, while they are
at university IF they want to get decent results from corrupt teachers.
QUOTE
Head Honcho in the Roman
Catholic
Church. All
Christian
churches are 'catholic' (with a small 'c'), but this one is of the former
Roman
Empire type - and the Pope is, in theory, Christ's Vicar on Earth. The post
is currently held by a former
Hitler Youth from Bavaria with a bit of a downer on contraceptive
devices and all other religions it seems.
UNQUOTE
True or false? Up to you.
QUOTE
Also aka Muhammad, aka Muhammed, aka Mahomet and a fair few other variants
... guess he had problems with the police or the Child Protection Agency ...
(born 570AD - died 632), was the founder of
Islam and is
regarded by
Muslims as the last messenger and prophet of
God (thats
Allah ... not the
Jewish God or the weedy
Christian
God). and now some
humour...
UNQUOTE
QUOTE
Unit Motto: Take us in the rear and we'll give you a good spanking.
UNQUOTE
The article really is
here.